From when I was a kid, I always had the notion that everyone has their own special talent. Kind of like the signature skill of a character in your JRPG party. Some might be good at sports, some might be very booksmart, some others might be very dexterous. You get the idea.
Back then, before high-school, if you were the 'best' at something in your little schoolyard pond, you had made it. I remember a feud with another kid about who was the fastest runner. During breaks we ran in circles around the school yard to prove who was the faster sprinter. I don't even remember if it was me to be honest. But I tell you: it was close! I was always tall for my age and there have been very short periods in my life in which I have not been lean. Definitely good genetics from both sides, my dad is tall, gains weight slowly, and my mom used to do track & field when she was younger.
This idea of everyone being born with some special skill they were the best in was and in some regards is a view that some part of me is still holding on to. In the end, I am simply talking about talent.
High school is the first time we migrate into a bigger pond. The world extends past the village or neighborhood border we grew up in, and if we thought we were the best at something at our schools, now we had to compete with all the best-at-somethings from other ones. And realize at some point: there is always a bigger fish. Did we all have talent? Maybe.
When we are young, and did not have time to hone our skills in anything in particular, talent might be the thing that carries us to the top. The ceiling is pretty low, and of course there are these ultra rare once in a hundred years prodigies. I am not talking about them, that's a whole other shoebox.
I am talking about the natural affinities we have for some things. That's something we are born with. And if not honed and nurtured, all the talent in the world will not get you to a spot at the top. In reverse, telling someone who put countless hours into something to master it that their abilities are merely a result of talent is downright insulting.
I did not understand that for a long time. It might be obvious for some people, but if you, like me, spent a big part of your life not knowing what's wrong with you and are looking for the thing that might fulfill you, finding that "special" skill you are good at is something you start to crave desperately in the slim chance it might finally bring you peace. It seemed like a cheat code. If I find my special skill, it doesn't matter if I have the energy to practice, I will be a natural, people will like me, respect me, and maybe want to be around me.
Spoiler alert: I never found my special skill. There was no hidden maxed out talent tree hidden in some obscure UI that I had just never found and activated. What I did find were the things that bring me joy. And I think that is my way of defining affinity: a task that brings joy, that is not taking as much energy as other things, and that converts the energy it does take into good feelings. For me it's writing. Anything. Hence why I started this blog.
As I mentioned before, this blog is for me to build a habit. And is also to hone my skill with writing. Getting a rhythm going, learning to write more natural sounding english, and finding a personal writing style that I am comfortable with. And if anything, if I never write a book, a story, or if no one ever reads these words: I have put in the practice, and with every post I write, I get a bit better. For myself. Not to compete. There is always a bigger fish anyway. Wherever I land, is fine. It is what it is, as we say here.
- Cass